Save Me (Sequel to Forgive Me)
by TMNT-Queen
Summary: Mikey saved her life once. Now it's time to return the favor. The problem? He doesn't remember anything from his "past life." It's a desperate race against the clock as Nee works with the Hamato Clan to save Mikey from the Shredder, the Foot, and most importantly...from himself.
1. Chapter One: Nee

_**Blanket Disclaimer:** I do not own the turtles, their allies, or any brand names/items that may be seen in this story. All rights to their respective owners. I only own Nisshoku and my other original characters. Any similarities to real persons, living or dead, is unintentional. Thank you._

 **Save Me**

* * *

Save

 _Verb_

1\. To rescue from danger or possible harm, injury, or loss.

2\. To keep safe, intact, or unhurt; safeguard; preserve.

3\. To keep from being lost.

 _Synonyms_

Deliver - free - recover - redeem - liberate

* * *

 **Chapter One: Nee**

I don't know what time it is when something pulls me from a deep slumber. I sit up, my heart pounding. My eyes narrow and I scan the room, but nothing seems amiss. My shoulders slump.

It's been three weeks since that fateful night at the Cathedral. Donnie insisted I heal up before we rushed back into the thick of things. But a lot can change in three weeks.

I let out a tired sigh and stand up, knowing that I'm not going to get back to sleep anytime soon. Not with the thoughts spinning around in my head. I quietly slip from Mikey's room and head for the dojo. I need to work out some tension. But when I arrive at the door of the training room, I realize that it's already occupied.

A green figure stands not ten feet away, repeatedly slamming his fists into the worn punching bag. I can hear him panting, but that's not what catches my attention. It's the quivering of his shoulders and the cry of anguish that rips from his throat as he sends his fist crashing into the bag one last time.

Raphael sags to his knees, burying his face in his hands. "Why'd it have to be him?" he asks brokenly. "Why Mikey, out of the four of us? He won't be able to withstand the things Shredder's gonna make him do. Not a second time."

My heart drops into my stomach and I press a hand to my mouth to stifle my own cry. I stumble away from the dojo and make it all the way to the kitchen before I collapse on the concrete floor. Tears well up in my eyes and I pull my knees to my chest, whimpering as my still-not-quite-healed stomach protests.

It's no secret that I blame myself for the current situation. After all, if I hadn't run off, this wouldn't have happened. I know that Raph blames me too - and Leo doesn't bother to conceal the fact that he doesn't trust me. The only person who's even really _talking_ to me right now is Donnie, and that's mostly for medical stuff like when he checks my stab wound.

I won't be able to live with myself if their little brother doesn't make it out of this. I almost killed Raph once. I can't risk taking Mikey from them too.

So as I sit there on that cold, hard floor, I make a silent vow. I'm getting Mikey out of the Foot Clan for good.

No matter what the cost.


	2. Chapter Two: Shadow

_Quick Note: I know what you're probably thinking at first glance. Who the shell is Shadow, right? Well...er...it'll be fairly obvious in a moment._

 **Chapter Two: Shadow**

 _I'm running. My footsteps echo loudly in the stone-walled corridor that seems to stretch for miles. Ahead of me is a girl that looks vaguely familiar. "Wait," I call. "Wait!"_

 _But no matter how hard I try, I can't get any closer to her. She turns around and gives me a sad smile. "I'm sorry," she whispers._

 _My eyes widen and I'm yanked backwards through the air. Behind me, laughter fills the air. Cold, harsh laughter. My gut tightens. This is a person I know._

 _Shredder tightens his grip on my midsection, lifting me upwards in his giant hand. "Silly turtle," he booms, still chuckling. "Did you really think you could escape me? Did you really think they'd save you again?" He pulls me closer to his face so I'm staring right into his messed-up eye. "You can't escape. You will never be anything more than a mindless, willing slave."_

 _Then he lets go and I'm falling, falling..._

I bolt awake, screaming, and fall onto the hard floor of my room. My legs are tangled in the sheets, and sweat trickles down my forehead. It takes a moment before I can get my breathing under control. I release a long, shaky breath and run a hand across my head.

I've had that nightmare before, but lately it's been happening more and more frequently. I just don't know what it means.

A knock on my door snaps me from my thoughts and I stand up, yanking the sheets off of myself as I head for the door. "What is it?"

The Foot Soldier on the other side stares at me, expressionless. But I know he heard me screaming. Any guard who's ever taken the position near my bedroom has. "The Master has requested your appearance," he says quietly.

I nod, grabbing my belt and nunchaku from the table beside the door. "I'm on my way."

* * *

"Ah, Shadow. I trust you've had a restful night?"

I incline my head respectfully at him as I enter the throne room. "Hai, my lord."

"Good. Because I have a task for you to complete."

Now _this_ has me interested. I lean forward a little. He knows it's been ages since I've had a real mission, though that's due more to the incompetence of his own men than it is to himself or to me. I'm the best soldier he has - better than even Bradford or Karai were.

"A few of my old colleagues have made their presence known in the city as of late. I was wondering if you would... _take care_ of them for me."

A wicked grin appears on my lips. "It would be an honor, Master."

Shredder sits back in his throne and folds his hands together. His eyes glint with satisfaction. "You will find your instructions waiting in your quarters. Good luck."

"Thank you, my lord." I bow, but before I can leave he calls to me again.

"And Shadow?"

"Hai, Master?"

"Believe nothing they tell you. These people are liars and deceivers. Not a word they speak is the truth."

My lip curls in disgust. _Honorless fools._ "Hai, my lord." I sweep from the room, the doors clanging shut behind me. My mind swirls and I run a thoughtful finger down my well-worn nunchaku. For a brief moment, I pity the poor idiots that Master Shredder is sending me after. He only sends me in for kill orders.

 _What could they have done to warrant his wrath?_

I shrug the thought away and make for my bedroom, where I know an information packet will be ready.

 _Let's do this._


	3. Chapter Three: Nee

**Chapter Three: Nee**

"Is something troubling you, my child?"

The voice startles me and my head snaps up. Heat fills my cheeks. "No, Master Splinter. Well...yes. I-I mean...I don't know."

The aging rat chuckles a little and pats the floor next to him. "Come, sit. Perhaps I can ease your mind."

A small sigh escapes my lips and I do as requested. I'd been wandering around the Lair all day, trying to find something to distract myself from the current situation. But my thoughts keep coming back to Mikey.

I haven't seen one glimpse of him since that night, and the guys aren't having any luck on patrols. I'm starting to get really worried. What if Shredder killed him?

Guilt stabs at me and I block the thought out. _He'll be okay. He has to._

"Now," Splinter says, drawing my attention back to the present. "What is on your mind?"

I bite my lip, not really sure how to begin. "We-ell...I'm worried about Mikey. The guys don't know what goes on in that Cathedral. Not like I do. Shredder could snuff out Mikey's spark on a whim in that place. It doesn't take long to break someone."

The ninja strokes his goatee. "Hmm," he muses thoughtfully. "My youngest son's spirit is very strong. It would take much to damage his inner self."

I shake my head. "No. Not with the new brain worm that Stockman created. That thing...I've seen what it can do. The havoc it can wreak. The control it enforces on a subject is limitless and unfathomably strong. It is almost impossible to save someone under the influence of the worm."

Splinter's eyes twinkle and he holds up a finger. "Ah, but you said _almost_ impossible. Even in the depths of your worry, you still believe that there is a chance."

"I-I guess so..."

He smiles and places a gentle hand on my shoulder. "The smallest chance is still a chance, my child."

It strikes me, suddenly, how much wisdom the old mutant holds within those solemn brown eyes. I give him a small smile in return and, acting purely on instinct, I throw my arms around him in a tentative hug.

He stiffens for a moment before pulling me closer in a warm embrace that smells of jasmine and incense. "Everything will be all right," he says quietly. "Life has a way of working itself out."


	4. Chapter Four: Shadow

**Chapter Four: Shadow**

My steps are quick and precise as I enter my sleeping quarters. And there on my tatami sleeping mat, just as Master Shredder promised, is a thin folder with my name on top. I pick up the folder and open it, leafing through the sheets of paper. Four descriptions. No pictures.

My eyes narrow a little at that revelation. Normally, Master Shredder gives me photos of the people for my hits. But not this time. _Why?_

I brush it off and focus on the sheet in front of me. Not in the descriptions of the physical appearances, but on the weaknesses each person possesses.

 **Leonardo - Eldest and leader. To weaken, take down other team members.**

 **Raphael - Muscle of the team. To weaken, goad into anger. Easily defeated when blinded by rage.**

 **Donatello - Brains of the team. To weaken, keep him guessing. An unpredictable situation is one he cannot think his way through.**

 **Nisshoku - Traitor to the Foot Clan and ally of the turtles. Bring back dead or alive.**

Something tickles the back of my mind. It's a thought. No...a memory. A flash of gold eyes, a pain-filled smile. Somehow, in some way, the last name on the list is familiar to me.

 _Maybe I've fought these people before?_

A sharp knock gets my attention and I turn. One of the Foot guards stands beyond my door. "It's time," he says.

I release a long breath and toss the file back onto the sleeping mat, heading for the doorway. "I'm ready." And I should be. I've trained for months - _years_ \- to get to where I am. I'm in peak physical condition. I can run for miles without hardly breaking a sweat. I can hold my breath underwater for nearly three hours. I should be perfectly capable of performing and completing this mission without a single problem.

But if that's the case, then why is my heart pounding? Why are my palms growing damp? Why is my head filling with doubt?

Annoyed at the new sensations, I let out a growl and wipe my hands on my legs, brushing past the Foot Soldier and heading for the roof.

Ten minutes later, I find myself standing on the edge of an apartment building, my mask tails snapping in the wind. I scan the city, looking for any sign of the people I'm supposed to take out. After a while with no luck, I'm about ready to call it a night and go back to the Cathedral.

And then movement flickers in the corner of my eye. Four silhouettes, leaping and bounding across the rooftops of New York. Adrenaline pumps in my veins. _That's them._

With a wicked grin stretching across my lips, I pull out my nunchucks and take off towards the figures. As I get closer I can hear them laughing and teasing one another. My lip curls. _Don't these idiots know the meaning of the word 'quiet'?_

I draw within one hundred feet of my prey...and stop dead. My eyes widen and my nunchucks slip out of my hands, landing with a clatter on the gravel roof. The three taller people turn towards me at the sound.

No. Not people.

Turtles.

 _Like me._


	5. Chapter Five: Nee

**Chapter 5: Nee**

My lungs aren't as strong as I would like them to be. In fact, it really hurts to inhale right now. But I don't tell Donnie that.

Because of my weakened body, I can't keep up as well with the guys. So it takes me a few more minutes to get to the rooftop where they are. As I draw closer, I realize that they're all standing perfectly still, their faces slack. I follow their line of sight, not really sure what I'll see. A strangled gasp tears from my throat.

It's Mikey.

He's standing less than one hundred feet away. But he looks different. Haunted. His mask is made from black material, the ends long and ragged. His wrappings and pads are all black. Even his nunchucks, lying discarded on the gravel roof, are wrapped in black leather.

Mikey's baby blue eyes are dull, his face lined with exhaustion and shock. He takes a half step forward and then stops.

"M-Mikey?" Leo whispers.

The freckled ninja narrows his eyes. A cold look slams down over his face. "That is not my name."

My blood freezes in my veins and a bitter taste rises in my mouth. I swallow back bile. _He's gone._

* * *

 **A Few Hours Ago...**

After too many days cooped up inside the turtles' Lair, Leo finally says that we can go above ground for a nightly patrol. Raph lets out a whoop, high-threeing Donnie. I can't deny that my own heart soars a little bit at the mention of freedom.

It's not that I hate their home, it's just that...I've always hated being confined to any one space for too long. And while the 'meetings' we've had lately have gotten a lot of work done about the...ah...current _family_ problem, I want to feel the night air on my skin again. I want to be able to run. I want to fly.

The blue-clad leader gives me a half-smile from across the room and the warmth inside me triples. That half-smile is more than I've gotten out of him since they brought me here. At least he isn't ignoring me anymore. Even Raph winks at me once in a while now.

Donnie pulls me aside before patrol for one more examination of my stab wound. I sigh as he instructs me to take my t-shirt off. The last thing I want to see right now is the ugly scar on my stomach. The skin is rough and puckered, red in some places and white in others. My cheeks flush with shame. I'm an ugly freak.

But Donnie doesn't comment on the appearance of the scar. He just runs his hand over the raised flesh, making sure that it's all healed. When he's done, he offers me a warm smile. "All ready for tonight," he says quietly.

For some reason, that smile is making a weird feeling erupt in my stomach. I'm not quite sure what it is - I've never felt this way before. After an intense moment where neither of us drop eye contact, Donnie clears his throat and stands, handing my shirt to me again.

Is it just my imagination, or are his cheeks dusted a little with pink?

I shake the feelings and thoughts off, tugging my shirt over my head. "Thanks," I murmur, not quite meeting his eyes as I leave the room.

As soon as I step foot outside the lab, Leo beckons me over. "I wanted to give you something," the eldest says. I raise an eyebrow and follow him into the dojo without a word. But inside, I'm dying from curiosity. He walks over to the weapons rack and pulls out two beautiful katana, handing them to me.

My eyes widen and I accept the swords with shaking fingers. "W-What are these for?"

Leo's lips twitch into that half-smile again. "I figured that if you're coming on patrol with us, you'll need something to protect yourself with in case anything would happen."

My breath catches. This isn't just him giving me protection. He's giving me his trust.

And I'm determined not to lose it again.

* * *

 **Now...**

"My name is Shadow," he snarls. "And I've come to bring you a message."

"What do you mean, your name is Shadow?" Raph splutters. "You're our little brother, Mikey! Whatever's going on we can help you! We can fix-"

"Shut up!" He grabs his weapons off the ground and points one at Raph. "None of you say another word. Not a single, solitary word. You three are going to die. And when I'm done with that-"

My breath hitches in my throat as he fixes hate-filled eyes on me. A wicked smile slowly grows on his face.

"When I'm done with that, I'm dragging her back to the Cathedral and dumping her at Master Shredder's feet. Alive or not, it doesn't matter to him. And it definitely doesn't matter to me." The smile drops off of his lips.

"None of you do."


	6. Chapter Six: Shadow

_A/N: Ohhh, you guys are gonna hate me for this._

 **Chapter Six: Shadow**

"What do you mean, your name is Shadow? You're our little brother, Mikey! Whatever's going on we can help you! We can fix-"

A fire lights in my veins. _Liar._ "Shut up!" My nunchucks are in my hands before my enemies can blink. I point one at the red-banded turtle. "None of you say another word. Not a single, solitary word. You three are going to die. And when I'm done with that-"

I turn my gaze to the trembling brunette standing across the rooftop. My lips curl upwards in a lazy, malevolent grin.

"When I'm done with that, I'm dragging her back to the Cathedral and dumping her at Master Shredder's feet. Alive or not, it doesn't matter to him. And it definitely doesn't matter to me." My eyes land on Red again and I spit the next four words out with as much venom as I can muster. "None of you do."

Beside him, Blue flinches as if he's been slapped. I feel a surge of triumph and know that this must be Leonardo. "What's the matter, oh _Fearless_ one? Were you expecting something different?"

"I-"

"This is stupid," Red snaps. "We're gonna save you even if I have to beat the truth into your skull!" Thunder rumbles and lightning cracks across the sky. Rain starts pouring from the clouds, and Red launches himself at me despite his brothers' cries of warning. I don't even move a muscle as he speeds towards me. When he gets close enough, he jabs an arm out in an attempt to hit me with his sai.

In a blur of movement I grab his outstretched arm and flip him over my shoulder, sending him crashing into a brick wall behind me. He shakes it off and jumps to his feet with a murderous rage in his eyes.

"Oh, it is _on!"_

 _Angry. Off-balance. Hello, Raphael._ I smirk, crossing my arms. "If you must."

He comes at me again and I land a solid punch on his jaw. The force of the blow sends him reeling.

"You see, Raphael, there's a problem with your attacks. No matter how many times you try-" I dodge his kick and slam my elbow into his stomach. "-I will always beat you. Because no matter what you do-" Another hit that makes him stagger. "-I will _always_ be better than you!"

My last punch brings him to his knees. He holds a hand out to me, wheezing. When the red-banded ninja looks up at me again, there are tears in his electric green eyes. "Please," he gasps. "Don't."

"Don't _what,_ Raphael?" The grin returns to my face and I plant my foot on his shell, driving him towards the gravel roof. He groans in pain. "Don't hurt you? I think it's a bit late for that. After all, didn't you hurt _me_ all those years?"

The words pop out of my mouth and I blink. _What the shell? Where did **that** come from?_

Before I can think about it, something hard and green slams into me, knocking me to the ground. I glare up at Leonardo, who's now holding a katana three inches from my face while his remaining sibling looks Raphael over. "Well, _that_ was a tad unfair."

"And you beating Raph to a pulp wasn't?"

Purple - _Donatello -,_ who had been quiet all this time, pipes up. "Leo, he's hurt pretty bad. We should get him back to the Lair."

"You're not going _anywhere,_ " I snarl. "Except maybe to your graves." Without warning, I kick Leonardo's hand and send his sword flying across the rain-slickened rooftop. His cobalt eyes widen but he doesn't even have time to breathe before I throw him into a chimney. Hard.

The leader hits the brick and goes down, unconscious. I stand up, calmly brushing myself off and picking up Leonardo's other katana. My grip tightens on the handle as I casually walk towards Donatello and a dazed Raphael.

"I did warn you, you know," I say quietly. "It would've been better for all of you if you had just given up. But now...now I'm going to make you suffer."

Donatello swallows and takes his Bo staff from its sheath. There's such pain in his brown eyes as he looks up at me. A tear tracks down his cheek. "Don't make me do this. Please."

"I'm not making you do anything. By all means, sit there above your brother. That way he can watch me kill you."

He bites his lip, still hesitant to attack. "Mikey-"

My vision turns red. "That is not my NAME!" I grab his leg and use his weight against him, picking him up and slamming him into the roof. He lets out a grunt of surprise, but before he can get back up I throw him into the same chimney I threw his brother into. He doesn't get up again.

 _"Donnie!"_

The voice makes my head turn. It's the girl, Nisshoku, standing there with a horrified expression on her face. My lips twitch upward. "They were weak," I tell her, slowly stepping closer.

"They didn't want to fight you," she replies in a quivering voice. "You're their brother. I know you won't believe me, but Shredder brainwashed you. He made you into a weapon. A slave."

My eye twitches. "You don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes, I do." She brushes her soaking wet hair out of her face, not even blinking as I draw near. Her expression softens. "You won't hurt me. I know you."

"Not as well as you think!" I knock her off her feet and her back slams into the gravel. She lets out a pained noise and I point my borrowed sword at her throat. "Yield."

Nisshoku gasps, her face pale in the dim light. The tip of the sword is almost touching her skin. She squeezes her eyes shut, swallowing. "You might as well kill me right here and now. There's no way I'm willingly going with you."

I smirk. "Open your eyes and look at me. I want you to watch as your life ends."

It's only when her eyelids open again that I get a good look at the orbs beneath. Realization hits me like a freight train.

 _Gold eyes._

 _Laughter._

 _Paint on a canvas, pressed into human hands._

A small noise slips from my mouth. "I-I know you."

Something strange crosses Nisshoku's face. She lays still for a moment, staring up at me unblinkingly as rain soaks us both. "Do you remember?"

"I-"

Something sharp pierces the back of my neck and I gasp. With my free hand, I reach up and remove the offending object. A dart. My head whips towards the source.

Leonardo lowers the blowgun, a look of pure exhaustion written across his face. _I'm sorry,_ his eyes seem to say.

The world tilts and I stagger, dropping the katana. The ground rushes up to meet me.

Nisshoku leans over me, her long hair draping around my face and creating a barrier. "I _will_ save you," she whispers. "I promise."

And the world fades to black.


	7. Chapter Seven: Nee

_A/N: Rhodesincolumbus You asked and I delivered (I hope to your satisfaction haha). But be warned...this is not a pleasant chapter._

 **Chapter Seven: Nee**

 _"I don't have anywhere to go. No one to care for me."_

 _"You will. When my brothers come for me, I'll take you home to the Lair."_

 _"I really don't deserve-"_

 _"Everyone deserves a second chance."_

I don't even notice the tears slipping down my cheeks as I stare blankly at the still form on the table. Mikey's scarred chest rises and falls with each breath. He shifts in his sleep, pulling against the straps holding him down.

"I'm sorry," I whisper. "I know that I could've stopped it. Could've saved you. I...I should've walked out all those months ago instead of taking your offer to stay. It would've changed everything."

My lower lip trembles. "You know...you really changed something in _me_ that day I met you. Up until then, I'd lived a pretty bad life. I'd murdered people without a second thought. And you just looked at me a-and you _accepted_ it. You forgave me for it. That meant the world to me." I sniffle, wiping my cheeks with the back of my hand. "And then I went and screwed up. I guess that's what I'm best at, though. Screwing things up and making a mess of everything. Getting the people I love killed."

 _Mom. Dad. Kaneko. Mikey._

"This is all my fault."

"No, it's not." The voice startles me. _Donnie_. He comes to stand next to me, crossing his arms. "It's not your fault. Statistically speaking, this was bound to happen one day anyway."

My bloodshot, tear-filled gaze snaps to him and I shake my head. The words burst from my lips, full of condemnation and self-loathing. "Don't you _dare_ say that it isn't my fault, Donnie! Everything is my fault and no one knows it more than me. I'm the reason Mikey's laying there right now. I'm the reason he's been hurt and brainwashed and-"

Suddenly, Donnie's arms are around me, holding me close. I cry into his plastron as he rubs circles on my back. "Shh...it'll be okay, Nee. It'll be okay. We can fix this."

I shake my head again. "No. You can't. Maybe you can get close to the old Mikey, but he'll never be exactly the same. Never. You know how bad his PTSD got before. You really think it'll be better now?"

"I-"

A groan cuts through Donnie's sentence. The room falls silent for a long moment. Because Mikey is awake. And he's staring at us.

"What...where am I?"

 _I-I know you._

I'm across the room so fast it makes my head spin. "Mikey! I'm so glad you're-"

He snarls at me, jerking against the restraints. "I already told you that's not my name! Once I get free I'm going to murder you and drop your sorry carcass at Shredder's feet."

My eyes sting with tears. "B-But you said that you knew me."

"I know that you're a traitor. I know that you deserve to die."

His words cut through me like a knife. I press a hand to my mouth and turn away, not allowing him to see the liquid coursing down my cheeks. But he knows.

"Pathetic. Did you really think that you could do anything to save me? I heard what you said. And let me just tell you this: you're a failure."

My lip starts trembling again as his taunts grow worse. Eventually I just can't take it anymore and I run from the room. He calls after me.

"Running away, huh? Just what I'd expect from a _coward_ like you."

Once outside the lab, I don't even pay attention to where I'm going. I'm stumbling along blindly, my vision blurred with tears. My feet carry me into Mikey's old bedroom where I collapse onto the floor. I reach for something - anything - to hold onto. My entire world is falling apart.

Because how can you save someone who doesn't want to be saved?


	8. Chapter Eight: Shadow

**Chapter Eight: Shadow**

As the brunette runs from the room I jerk against my restraints, baring my teeth in a snarl at Donatello. "Let me go and I'll kill you quickly."

"As tempting as that offer is," he replies dryly, "I'd like to talk to you instead." His russet eyes soften. He takes a seat next to me, wincing as his sore body protests. "No matter what you said to Nee, I don't think you're as naïve as you're pretending to be."

"Really? And why is that?"

"You _do_ know her, even if you aren't willing to admit it."

My lip curls. "Sorry, I forgot that you're all living in some fantasy world where I'm your long-lost brother and Shredder has me under his control. And they say you're supposed to be the smart one."

But despite my barbed words, Donatello keeps pressing the matter - acting like I never spoke at all. "In fact, I think that this whole "Shadow" thing is just a front. A cover. I think that you _do_ remember. I think you remember everything. And you just don't want to. Because if it is the truth, then you have to face the fact that you were mind controlled. And that's not a very good feeling at all, is it?"

I growl low in my throat. "You understand absolutely nothing. I have no idea what you're talking about, and if you don't let me off this table within three seconds I'll rip your throat out with my teeth."

And suddenly he's three inches from my face, his expression deadly serious. "You don't want to face the truth because it hurts, doesn't it? It rebels against whatever control Shredder has exercised on you. It goes against the serum coursing through your blood. It brings up too many painful memories. Like the very first night you met Nee."

"Shut up."

"Or the night when you convinced Leo to let her stay with us because you'd made a promise."

"I swear, if you don't stop talking-"

"Or the night when she ran away from you because she was hiding a secret that damn near killed you."

"I'm serious. If you don't shut up right now I'm gonna-"

"Or the night when you saved her life and she left you stranded in Foot Headquarters, all alone and half dead-"

"SHUT UP!" The words tear from my throat in a scream. I squeeze my eyes shut, unable to look at him any longer. My head pounds and sweat streams down my face and neck.

 _Pain crossing a pale face._

 _Tears swimming in golden eyes._

 _"Don was just trying to help. Sometimes he doesn't think before he acts."_

 _"I know. It's just hard to deal with sometimes. You and I...we've seen things nobody else has seen. We've been through stuff that they can't possibly understand. And that stuff...it won't ever go away."_

"Is everything okay in here?" A voice cuts through my reverie and my eyes fly open. There stands Leonardo in the doorway. "I heard yelling."

Donatello glances at me again - and I answer his glance with another snarl. He sighs, his shoulders slumping, and steps away from the table I'm strapped to. "Everything is fine."

I can hear the tremor of disappointment that runs through his reassuring statement. And despite myself, I almost feel bad for him.

I bury that thought quickly before it can take hold. _They're getting into your head,_ I tell myself. _Ignore them. You heard what Master Shredder said. They're liars and deceivers. Nothing more._

But suddenly, Shredder's words don't have the same effect on me. There's something about them that seems...wrong, almost. These turtles really appear to care about me - for whatever strange reason - and the emotions they've shown have been completely earnest. Either they're really, _really_ good liars...or they're telling the truth.

And I don't know which possibility is worse.

 **Please review.**


	9. Chapter Nine: Nee

**Chapter Nine: Nee**

It's been several hours since my confrontation with Mikey in the lab, and I still haven't emerged from his bedroom. I know I'm acting exactly how he'd expect, hiding from the problem in front of me, but I can't help it. His words shattered what little hope I had left.

There's a knock and then the door creaks open. Donnie sticks his head inside, his face softening when he sees me. "Hey," he says quietly. "You doing okay?"

"How do you think I'm doing?! My only friend just told me that he's going to murder me and drag me back to that hellhole I came from. Oh yeah, and there's the fact that he doesn't remember anything from before. On top of _all that,_ my baby sister was _killed_ because of my worthless hide. I'm doing absolutely _fan-flipping-tastic,_ Donnie."

I know I'm acting like a brat but I can't help it. The words just poured out of me. But to his credit, Donnie doesn't turn around and leave. He just joins me on the bedroom floor, sighing a little. "That wasn't your-"

"If you try and tell me one more damn time that it wasn't my fault I'll kick you in the shin."

"Nee-"

"Don't you understand?" I ask him, my eyes stinging with tears. "I'm _poison_ , Donnie. I hurt everyone I've ever cared about. Everyone who gets close to me gets killed. My parents, my sister...and now Mikey."

"Wait," Donnie says. "What about your parents?"

Oh yeah. He's never heard the story about them. "They died."

"...care to expand upon that?"

 _Not really._ "I was eight years old when it happened. Neko was five. She and I were playing in the park right down the street from our apartment. Mom and Dad were supposed to have guests over that night so Mom wanted us out of the way, so she sent us to the park. Turns out that the guests were members of the Purple Dragons and my parents owed them money. They didn't pay it...and the Dragons burned our apartment to the ground with them inside." My gaze grows distant, focused on something he can't see. For a moment, I can almost hear the crackling of flames and the wailing of sirens. "I should've _been_ there. I should've helped them. I should've gotten them out. I should've-"

"You were eight years old, Nee," the genius says, shaking his head. "You were only eight years old. There's nothing you could've done to prevent that...or to save them."

Hearing him tell me that, hearing that absolution...it's both a relief and a curse all at once. "But I could've _tried._ And even if I couldn't have pulled them out, I could've died with them. At least then Neko and I wouldn't have had to go through the Foot Clan - because that's the other way Shredder claimed retribution. He took the two of us for his own. I had to watch while he tortured my sister, while he denied her the right to a happy childhood. She grew up knowing nothing but the Foot Clan, Donnie. She should've gotten to go through all the phases of a little girl. The pink phase, the pony phase, the glitter phase. Even the annoying boy phases. But she couldn't, because I couldn't do my job as a big sister and as a daughter."

Self-loathing wells up inside me and I run a finger over the branding scar on my wrist. "You know, since getting out of the Clan, I told myself that I helped more people than I hurt. I told myself that I was doing it all for the right reasons and I-I _believed_ that. But not anymore."

"Nee, listen to me." Donnie takes my chin in a gentle but unyielding grip and turns my head so I'm looking right at him. "You've been through hell and back, and none of it was your fault. Do you understand? None of it. Not Mikey, not Kaneko, not your parents. You couldn't have done anything _._ It's not. Your. Fault."

With those words - said so firmly, so quietly, so _lovingly..._.I come undone. The walls I built up to protect myself - those scarred, dented walls - finally crash down, leaving me sitting amidst their rubble with nothing to cling to but Donnie himself.

He's there for me when I cry - really, truly cry - for the first time in ten years. When I shatter like glass. When I finally allow myself to mourn for my parents and my sister...and most importantly, for the loss of my childhood. A childhood that, I'm beginning to understand, was wrongfully taken from me.

And for the first time in my entire life, I allow myself to be free from blame.


	10. Chapter Ten: Shadow

**Chapter Ten: Shadow**

My sleep that night is plagued with strange dreams...dreams that seem almost like memories. The first takes place in the Cathedral, and it has a familiar-yet-unfamiliar figure standing in the center of a crowd.

 _"Master, the turtle will be of no use to you in a condition such as the one he will be left in after this."_ The girl's voice is smooth and deferential, yet still filled with a touch of warmth and compassion.

 _"And do you suggest, then,_ han'nin _, that I rescind the penalty?"_ Now _that_ is a voice that I recognize easily. But the girl is not deterred.

 _"I accept the punishment."_

The dream changes. Suddenly I'm standing in a worn kitchen, staring at two of the turtles who captured me - and one more that I haven't seen. An orange-masked one. _"I didn't mean to make you upset,"_ Donatello says desperately. _"I want to help-"_

 _"You can't,"_ Orange snaps. _"Okay? None of you can. You don't know what it was like. Nee was right. Until you've seen the things that I've seen and been forced to do the things that I was forced to do..."_ He trails off, swallowing. _"Just leave me alone, Donnie. Please."_

One more set of images flashes through my mind, this time of the orange-masked turtle and the girl with the blurred face.

 _"I don't understand why you've done all this for me. Why you took me in and stitched me up. I don't...I don't deserve any of this. I've done far too many terrible things in my life to be forgiven. I'm so broken, Mikey. My mind is sick and twisted and wrong and I-"_

The turtle stops her midsentence, putting his large hands on her cheeks. _"If all that's true, then I'm just as sick and twisted as you are. I've done things that I never want the guys to find out about because I'd be too ashamed. But our past doesn't make us who we are. It's what we do with our future that defines us. And maybe we are broken. Maybe those pieces of us that shattered won't ever be whole again. I don't know. But maybe...maybe if you and I stick together then we can start to heal. Maybe the pieces will start to fit together again. I don't know if or when that will happen. But wouldn't you like to stick around and find out?"_

And the girl slowly - so slowly - places her hands over his.

I jerk awake, panting. My head is aching and my stomach twists. I lurch to the side as whatever food left in my stomach makes its way back up, but there's nowhere for me to go. The bile leaves an acrid taste in my mouth and a small puddle on the floor.

My brain registers the presence before I actually see the outline of the body in the darkness. "How?" I ask hoarsely. The person comes into the light and I realize that it's Nisshoku herself. _Speak of the devil._

"Are you okay?" Her voice is soft. Concerned. She doesn't seem at all angry or upset because of what I said earlier.

"Why would you care?"

"Because you and I are... _were_ friends." The correction looks as if it physically pains her. "You were my friend, and it's my fault you're lying there right now. It's my fault you were brainwashed and tortured and...and I'm sorry."

 _You don't want to face the truth because it hurts, doesn't it? It rebels against whatever control Shredder has exercised on you. It goes against the serum coursing through your blood. It brings up too many painful memories. Like the very first night you met Nee. Or the night when you convinced Leo to let her stay with us because you'd made a promise. Or the night when she ran away from you because she was hiding a secret that damn near killed you. Or the night when you saved her life and she left you stranded in Foot Headquarters, all alone and half dead-_

 _SHUT UP!_

I blink, snapping back to the present. Nisshoku is still staring at me, waiting for a response. A frown crosses my face. "You know, I honestly don't understand what you four are hoping to gain by this charade."

The brunette flinches at my words. Then she quickly collects herself. "I know you'll remember. Maybe not right now. Maybe not tomorrow. But you will."

"You really believe in yourself and your friends that much?" I ask as she makes for the door. Her final response echoes in my mind long after she's disappeared.

"No. I believe in _you."_

 **A/N: Yup! Nee's got her hope back, guys! And maybe - just maybe - Mikey's on the road to recovery.**

 **Wanted to apologize for not updating this one sooner. Life's been kinda hectic for me lately. I'm doing my best to get back into the swing of things though.**

 **Please review.**


	11. Author's Note: PLEASE READ

**Author's Note**

I know that this is shameless marketing, and you were probably looking for an actual chapter...but I'd like to ask you guys a favor. Please go check out my new two-shot called "Mikey's Adventure." I hope it'll make you laugh at least a little bit.

 **Summary** :

 _What do two katana, a stray kitten, an eight-year-old, and a rodeo have to do with each other? Nothing, unless you're Hamato Michaelangelo. And one thing's for sure: Mikey's had a wild night._

So that's all I had. Sorry if you thought this was an actual chapter.


	12. Chapter Eleven: Nee

**Chapter Eleven: Nee**

I don't know why I went to visit Mikey. Maybe to prove that he was wrong about me. Whatever the reason, I know one thing.

We're slowly getting through to him.

Later that day, after training with the guys in an effort to rebuild my endurance, I find myself in the kitchen making lunch. Normally it would be Mikey's task, but...

Sorrow wells up within me and I take a deep breath, tightening my hold on the knife I'm using to cut apples.

 _Screaming._ _Blood._ _Pain._ _Blue eyes screwed shut._ _A face, pale from blood loss._

 _"Is this not what you wanted? A life for a life? An even exchange?"_

 _"Let him go. Please, let him go. He didn't do anything to deserve this."_

 _"He is an abomination. That is reason enough."_

My eyes snap open. I drop the knife, clapping a hand over my mouth as a half-sob escapes my lips. The noise must be enough to draw attention because suddenly Donnie is here, wrapping me in his arms and pressing me against his plastron in a solid hug.

"Donnie..."

I hate myself suddenly. I hate myself for the way his name came out, soft and whispered and weak. Broken. If I had only been strong enough, none of this would have happened. If I hadn't run off, if I hadn't told Mikey-

"Don't. Don't do this to yourself. Not again."

"I can't," I whisper. "I can't take it, Donnie. He should be laughing right now. He should be smiling and joking and being himself, not lying there strapped to a table because of my stupid mistakes."

"Nee, we talked about this, about how you shouldn't blame yourself-"

"Stop it! It doesn't matter if I don't blame myself or not, you know why? Because even if it wasn't my fault, even if it was a completely random occurrence and it would've happened anyway, that means something else. It means that nothing I do even matters. It means that even if I do everything right, if I dress the right way and act the right way and follow all the rules, evil is going to find me anyway. So yeah, maybe it was a coincidence that Mikey got taken over. But all it means is I have no control, that I'm powerless. And if that's the case, I would rather be blamed."

Donnie blinks, stunned into silence. I take the opportunity to break from his hold. My lips quiver and I press them together into a line as I finish making lunch and set it on the table.

Then I turn and leave the room, my consciousness shutting down and leaving me on autopilot. My feet carry me through the lab doorway and over a chair where I slump down and put my head in my hands. For a moment I'm silent, trying to collect my thoughts. And then I speak.

"I'm sorry. I know I said I had faith in you, but...I don't have any faith in myself. And I know that you said everyone deserves a second chance but I'm starting to think that you giving me one was a mistake. It's my fault you're laying there. It's my fault you've been hurt and tortured and...and..." My voice cracks and I shake my head as tears cascade down my cheeks.

"Maybe one day...maybe one day when you're back to normal, we can be friends again. Maybe we never will. Maybe you'll never trust me again. But I'd rather lose you if it meant you were okay. I need to know that there's a way for people like us to end up okay. I need to know that there even _is_ such a thing as okay, or maybe even just good, and it's out there and we just haven't found it yet. There has to be a happier ending than this, here. There has to be a better story. Because we deserve one. _You_ deserve one."*

I swallow. "I know you already had a good life and a good story and a happy ending, and I went and messed it up royally. But I'll make it right somehow. I have to. You deserve to have a life here with your brothers and father, Mikey. You deserve to be happy...even if it means that you never want to see me again."

Silence is the only reply I get. My shoulders sag with the weight of bearing this guilt and pain and shame. I raise my head, preparing to see loathing or even hatred on Mikey's face. And then my blood freezes in my veins.

He's gone.

* * *

* _This was a quote from Katja Millay's "The Sea of Tranquility." I changed it up a little bit, but I had to use it because there are so many good quotes from that book. I've never actually read the entire book, but Goodreads has plenty of quotes. Heh._

 **Please review.**


	13. Chapter Twelve: Shadow

**Chapter Twelve: Shadow**

" _What do you mean, he's gone?!"_

 _"MIKEY!"_

I ignore the voices that fill the tunnel behind me, trying to focus my attention on not falling flat on my face. Of course, as banged up as I am, and with an empty stomach, it isn't easy.

Eventually, after about five minutes of running - though it feels like hours - I duck into a small side tunnel and pull myself into the shadows. And then I promptly curl up onto my side and try hard not to pass out.

 _Note to self: don't run on an empty stomach after you've been incapacitated by drugs._

At the mere thought of the sedative Donatello pumped into me, my blood starts boiling. But I quickly forget about my anger, because I can't stop thinking about what Nisshoku said - in a conversation I wasn't supposed to hear.

 _"_ _He should be laughing right now. He should be smiling and joking and being himself, not lying there strapped to a table because of my stupid mistakes."_

 _"Nee, we talked about this, about how you shouldn't blame yourself-"_

 _"Stop it! It doesn't matter if I don't blame myself or not, you know why? Because even if it wasn't my fault, even if it was a completely random occurrence and it would've happened anyway, that means something else. It means that nothing I do even matters. It means that even if I do everything right, if I dress the right way and act the right way and follow all the rules, evil is going to find me anyway. So yeah, maybe it was a coincidence that Mikey got taken over. But all it means is I have no control, that I'm powerless. And if that's the case, I would rather be blamed."_

"Why do they care so much?" I growl to myself. "I'm their enemy. The one who almost killed them. And yet...and yet they would welcome me with open arms. It just doesn't make sense. _Someone_ is lying to me."

 _It has to be the turtles...right? I've grown up serving Oroku Saki my entire life. And while he's a thieving, ruthless, bloodthirsty warlord, I don't think he would stoop so far as to brainwash me._

I pause for a moment, then shake my head. "Who am I kidding? That would be right up his alley."

Footsteps echo around the corner of the tunnel, snapping me from my thoughts. I try and pull back even further into my hiding spot as Leonardo runs by - and feel a brief twinge of guilt at the expression on his face. Dejection. Misery. Pain. Panic. Blame.

 _Should've been more careful, oh "Fearless" One._

As soon as he's gone, I edge back out into the tunnel and head the other way. Twenty minutes go by before I discover something new.

I'm lost. Utterly, completely, and hopelessly lost. A frustrated groan escapes my lips. _Great._

"Michelangelo?"

My eyes narrow and I slink into a defensive stance immediately, whipping around to face the newcomer...a seven-foot-tall, massive crocodile with razor-sharp teeth. And he's staring right at me.

 _Oh, shell._

 **A/N: So Mikey - Shadow - eh, whatever - doesn't remember LH? That's gonna be awkward. ;)**

 **Anyway, this was a bit of a filler chapter. Not quite sure what the plan was for it, but...this is how it turned out. Apparently.**

 **Please review.**


	14. Chapter Thirteen: Nee

_A/N: It's been a shell of a long time since I updated this. Or any of my books. I know...I'm sorry, guys. I'm not going to offer you an excuse. I just..._

 _Anyway, let's get going._

 **Chapter Thirteen: Nee**

I've been laying in bed for three hours without even getting _close_ to falling asleep. My thoughts are spinning too much, along with a certain dread. A fear of losing Mikey. Again.

 _Every time someone gets close to me, they get hurt._

A sad truth, but one that I've finally accepted. It's a lot easier to just cut ties and move on - no matter what Donnie said to me. Once I save Mikey, I'm going to disappear. Their lives will be easier - better - without me here.

My neck prickles and I turn to see someone standing in the doorway. It's dark enough that I can't quite make out which one of the turtles I'm looking at, so I reach over and flick on the bedside lamp. The dim light reveals that it's the very weary-looking resident genius.

"Donnie? What's going on?"

He jumps a little at the sound of my voice. "Did I wake you up? I'm so-"

"I haven't slept well in weeks, Don," I say tiredly, giving him a small smile nonetheless. "What makes you think that tonight would be any different?"

"Right. Well, I just wanted to tell you that...we found him."

Adrenaline floods my system and I'm instantly awake. "What? Where is he? Is he okay?"

"He's currently staying with a family friend...he won't be coming home for a while. We were hoping that maybe the time away would help him recover a little."

My shoulders sink and I bite my lip, pulling my knees to my chest. _The_ _time away from me, he means._ "How long will he be gone?"

"Until he shows some progress. Leatherhead is good at therapy though...he runs his own small mutant therapy group. It should help Mikey. At least a little."

"Shredder really did a number on him, didn't he?" I ask. The question is rhetorical, though, so Donnie stays silent. "I just...sometimes I wish that none of this had happened. That the Foot never got their hands on him to begin with."

"You think I don't?" The level of pain in the purple-banded turtle's voice shocks me. And so do the tears that well up in his mahogany eyes. "Every night before I fall asleep, I flash back to the stupid argument we had. I'm drowning in regrets, Nee. Logically speaking, there's probably nothing I could've done to change anything. But I can't stop that nagging little voice in the back of my head saying that it's all my fault."

We're both quiet for a while, but then my curiosity gets the better of me. "What did you even argue about?"

Donnie groans and wipes a hand down his face. "It was something stupid. Pizza toppings, I think. But everyone was so high-strung from patrols and everything, plus there was a flu going around, and we just kind of...blew up at each other. He ran out of the Lair. And that's the last time we saw him for days. I didn't even apologize...and lord knows if I'll ever get the chance to now."

"I'm sure he knows, Donnie," I tell him, the words coming out soft but sincere. "Siblings fight. It's practically in their job description. That doesn't mean that they don't love each other. Neko and I argued all the time, but we were still super close."

"Yeah, but your fights never ended in your sister being brainwashed."

"Maybe not. But we were already in a bad situation to begin with. I couldn't change anything about where we were or what happened. You can."

"What?"

"You've got that big brain of yours. Use it. Find a way to snap him out of this brainwash-thing. I know there's a way to do it. And if anyone can find it, it's you."

He stares at me for a long moment, swallowing. "You really believe in me," he murmurs. "Why?"

I think for a second, trying to figure out how to phrase my answer. And when it comes out, it's simple and honest and I mean it with all my heart. "Because you believed in me."

 **Please review.**


	15. Chapter Fourteen: Shadow

_A/N: Sorry for the lack of updates, guys. Life's been a little crazy lately. I actually applied for my first job this week, and I'm supposed to go for an interview next week. Wish me luck. Heh..._

 _I'm super freaking nervous._

 **Chapter 14: Shadow**

My icy blue eyes move back and forth across the room, tracing the movements of the huge alligator on the opposite side. He's currently in the process of making dinner for the two of us - supposedly a beef stew. Where he managed to obtain the ingredients for said stew I have no idea. And frankly I'm not entirely certain I want to know.

I only saw the enormous reptile a few times during my Foot career. He was never on my hit list. I almost gained a sort of respect for him because of how skillful and untouchable he was - rumors flew at the Cathedral that he could snap a man in half with one click of his jaw.

But there is nothing but gentleness now. Despite the size of his webbed hands, he almost caresses each ingredient that goes into the pot. There's a small smile on his face and he hums a quiet tune under his breath. After a while of watching him work, my eyelids start to drift shut. I'm still exhausted from the latest events of the "Life's Ninja Punching Bag" show. My thoughts are finally slowing enough for fatigue to set into my muscles and bones.

I don't even realize that I'm nodding off until there's a voice in my ear and a presence at my side. "Michelangelo, dinner is ready. You must eat to regain your strength." Leatherhead presses a bowl into my hands and then sits back across from me with his own bowl.

I may be exhausted but I'm not stupid. Anything could be in my food. He could be trying to poison me for all I know. But then again, whatever he put in mine has to be in his too. I watch to make sure he eats before I even consider digging in. After witnessing him down the entire bowl in a single gulp, and nothing adverse happens from that, I press my bowl to my lips and hungrily consume what I've been given.

It has to be the best beef stew I've ever tasted.

Now, granted, at Shredder's HQ we were mostly fed protein bars and stuff like that - just enough to keep us going and healthy - so I'm not really the best critic when it comes to homemade food. But this really is good.

When I remark on that, my host just offers a sad smile. "Thank you. The recipe came from y- a friend."

That slip-up was accidental, but sincere nonetheless. My gaze falls to the floor and I bite my lip. "...may I ask you something?"

"You may ask me anything you wish. I will answer as best and honestly as I can," he promises.

"...you remember, don't you?"

"I remember many things," the alligator responds, not quite looking at me.

"That's not what I meant. I mean...you remember what happened. You remember...you remember _me._ "

"...yes," he says, so quietly I almost didn't hear him.

My heart pounds against my plastron. "Who was I to you? And was I...am I who they say I am?"

Again, the room falls silent. Again, it's a long time before he speaks.

Again, the answer is the same.

"Yes. Yes, you are who they say you are. You are Hamato Michelangelo, the youngest of the four turtles in the Clan. And you are my friend."

But by the way Leatherhead speaks and by the way tears sparkle in his eyes, we were more than just friends. We were...we were brothers.

And Shredder took that all away from him. From me.

My head spins, and suddenly it's all I can do to not throw up. Growing up in the Foot Clan, training under master ninja, earning my position in the Shredder's hierarchy...none of it was real.

I don't know who I am anymore.

And if Shredder wiped an entire _lifetime_ of memories from my brain, then what else did he do to me? _Lies. All of it lies. He lied to you. Everyone lied to you._

"Are you alright?" LH asks softly.

 _No._ _I'm not alright._

I'm overwhelmed with a sadness for everything that was lost, and with a white-hot anger towards the people who took it all away from me. This toxic mix floods my veins, pulsing with every heartbeat. It feels like I'm dying.

"I-I don't know."

 **A/N: Please review.**


	16. Chapter Fifteen: Nee

**Chapter Fifteen: Nee**

Forty-two.

 _Don't stop._

Forty-three.

 _Never stop._

Forty-four.

 _You have to be strong._

Forty-five.

 _He needs you to be strong._

Pain lances through my still-not-quite-healed abdomen and I fall backwards onto the floor with a thud, curling up on my side to try and minimize the agony. Any hope of reaching a set of fifty sit-ups is forgotten.

Tears escape the corners of my closed eyelids and I hiss through my teeth. _Dammit._ I think briefly about calling one of the guys - preferably Donnie - but then I realize that I can barely breathe because it hurts so much.

And suddenly I'm being lifted off the floor and a gentle voice is murmuring to me, and hands are brushing my hair off my sweaty forehead, and someone places a cup of water against my lips. I drink slowly, not knowing if it'll cause me more pain.

My shirt is lifted up and someone gasps.

 _"I thought you gave her stitches?"_

" _I_ _did, but she tore them."_

 _"Damn...she really did some damage, didn't she?"_

A weak, low moan comes from my throat and I finally manage to crack my eyes open long enough to see all three turtles watching me with concern. Great.

"M'fine," I slur, trying to sit up. Leo pushes me back down onto the cot - I don't even remember being set on a cot.

"Nee, your stomach is bleeding again. You need to lay still so Don can reset your stitches."

"Nnno more sti-stitches. M'fine, Leo."

"You're clearly not fine," Raph snorts.

"Why is she slurring like that?" the blue-banded leader asks, pinning Donnie with a worry-darkened cobalt gaze.

"Concussion. She must've hit her head on the floor as she collapsed. There's a bump on the back of her skull."

"Is she going to be okay?"

"With proper rest she should be fine." Donnie fixes me with a piercing stare and I try not to shrink. "We'll need to monitor her to be certain, though."

"I'll take first," Leo says in that cool, composed way he has. The other two nod. I pretend not to hear the quiet directions Donnie gives him should I try and "do anything."

Then I'm alone with the one turtle I have desperately been trying to avoid - avoid because he always looks at me with _that_ look, and who seems to know my every move before I make it.

"I know what you're doing," he tells me softly. "You think that by pushing yourself like this, you can redeem yourself and fix everything."

"How can you know what's going on in my head?" I snap, surprising both of us with the amount of anger in my tone.

"I know because I've been there."

"Mikey told me about your coma, but you didn't have someone depending on you while you were laid up. I mean, I know your brothers were but not like Mikey is now."

"Splinter. Karai. Their lives did. I was stuck up at the farmhouse in a bathtub while my body tried to recover from a massive beatdown. Meanwhile, my dad and his daughter were God-knows-where, fending for their lives, and I couldn't do a thing about it. Yes, Nee. I know _exactly_ where you're coming from. So don't give me the bullshit about not understanding."

His words shock me into silence. I sit there, cheeks on fire with shame, watching liquid slowly drip through the IV in my left hand. "...I'm sorry."

He breathes a small sigh and runs a hand over his head. "It's fine. I mean, it's not really fine but like I said...I get it. Just...you have to be more careful with yourself. I know you want to fix this, but beating the everliving crap out of yourself is not helping. Okay?"

For the first time in days, I look up into the cobalt eyes of the one next to me. The one who risked everything to save me, despite every fiber of his being telling him not to. The one who literally dragged me out of hell.

The one who would do it again in a heartbeat.

And I nod. "Okay."

 **A/N: Kinda short, I know. I'm trying to get back into the swing of things.**

 **Please review! (Please?)**


	17. Chapter Sixteen: Shadow

**Chapter Sixteen: Shadow**

 _"Psst."_

My eye ridges furrow and I shift uneasily in my sleep, trying to ignore whatever the noise is. A voice. One that should be familiar to me - I just don't know why.

 _"Hey, wake up. We gotta talk, dude."_

"Go 'way," I mumble, scowling at the voice. "'m sleeping."

 _"Sorry, dude. This is really important."_

My eyelids snap open and I fix the voice's owner with a deadly glare. He seems unperturbed and offers me a wide grin in return. The retort I would've given dies on my tongue and my glare softens as I behold the stranger before me.

It's a turtle. No, more than that.

It's _me._

Well...sort of. His mask is bright orange and his nunchaku are wrapped in worn red leather. There is no Foot symbol on his belt.

"What is this? Who are you? And where am I?"

 _"Man, I_ still _ask a lot of questions,"_ Not-Me snickers. His baby-blue eyes glint with an immeasurable cheerfulness. _"We've met before, dude."_

"No, we-" And slowly, the memory trickles back. The series of dreams I had so long ago. "You...you were there. In my dreams." The accusation comes out a lot softer than I'd like. My head starts to hurt and I close my eyes, dragging a hand down my face.

 _"Not dreams. Memories. That stuff really happened. And it happened to_ you _."_

"Impossible."

 _"No it's not,"_ my orange-banded counterpart says quietly. _"You were already starting to suspect that stuff wasn't right. That gave me an opening to come and talk to you."_

I open my eyes again and stare at him. "So where are we, exactly?"

 _"In the astral plain. Duh."_

"This is not the astral plain." My eyes flick around, taking in the pure darkness that surrounds the two of us. "I have been to the astral plain and it's a lot different than this."

Not-Me - his name, _Mikey,_ pops into my head - nods and reaches forward, grabbing my hand. _"I know."_ Before I can react, there's a flash of light and then music fills my ears. I look around once again and I'm awestruck by the changes. We're surrounded by trees now - tall and lush and green, towering over us. A light breeze ruffles the branches and sets off the hundreds of windchimes hidden within.

 _That explains the music, at least._

Mikey leads me through the forest until we reach the edge of a cliff. He points with his free hand to the valley below, where I can see a beautiful blue-green lake surrounded by rolling hills and waving grass. Birds fly overhead, chirping every now and then in harmony.

"It's...beautiful," I whisper, unable to tear my gaze away from the scene. There's a blissful warmth on my skin and I realize that it comes from the bright sun overhead.

A heavy hand on my shoulder gets my attention and I follow my guide's finger to a spot on the far side of the lake. Dread suddenly coats my stomach like ice, though I don't know why. The spot is turning black - all the trees are shriveling up and dying, falling like dominoes. I can hear the cracking noises all the way up here.

"What's happening?"

 _"It's dying,"_ comes the answer. Mikey's voice is laden with sadness and I glance at him to see his lower lip trembling a little. _"This part of the astral plain is dying."_

"What? Why?"

 _"Because of you. You have to remember who you were - who I am. You have to beat the mind control, Shadow. The brain worm is eating at everything that makes you_ you. _It won't stop until you remember."_

The icy dread climbs up my throat and leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. I don't know what will happen if I let myself remember. I don't think I'll like what I'll see when I look at what the brain worm left behind. "What if I- what if I don't want to remember?"

 _"Then it'll destroy this place. Your memories, your family, everything will be gone forever. You'll be exactly what_ he _made you and nothing more. You will have absolutely nothing."_ There's a hard edge to Mikey's gaze now. _"I can't do anything but try and talk to you, dude. Beyond that, it's up to you."_

There's another flash and we're back in the black place, back in the looming silence and the cold.

Mikey fixes me with a calculating stare and cocks his head a little. He must be satisfied with what he sees in my face because the stare fades into a small smile. _"I'll see you soon, dude."_

I jerk awake, covered in a cold sweat and gasping. Leatherhead looks over at me in concern. "Are you alright, Michelangelo?"

 _I'm not Michelangelo,_ I want to scream. _He is. I can't be who you need me to be. I don't even know who I am anymore._

"I'm fine," I whisper instead. My gaze falls on my gear, piled up next to me. Black and red. Foot colors. White-hot rage bursts through my veins and I shoot to my feet, grabbing the pile and rushing out into the tunnels. There are footsteps behind me and I know that Leatherhead is following. His voice echoes in my ears but I tune him out.

Within minutes I've found what I was looking for: a rushing river of sewage that leads straight into a waterfall.

My left eye twitches and I glare at the fabric and steel in my hands, as if I could burn a hole straight through it. _I'm done being Shredder's weapon._ A cry tears from my throat and I fling my bundle as far and as hard as I can. It lands with a _splash_ in the river about twenty feet from where I'm standing. The Foot symbol floats on top of the current for a few seconds, taunting me. And then the whole pile - fabric, weapons, and all - are taken over the waterfall.

For a long moment I just stand there, unable to believe what I just did. A feeling of relief sweeps through me and leaves my knees shaking. I would've fallen if my friend's enormous hands weren't there to catch me.

I manage to find the strength to glance up at him and a certain warmth floods my heart. Leatherhead is smiling, and - are those _tears_ in his eyes?

 _Crocodile tears,_ some long-lost part of me whispers, making me smile back.

"Come, old friend," he says in that quiet, _proud_ voice. "Let us go home."

 **A/N: Just figured we needed a bit of fluff. It's about time Sha- _Mikey_ started to get back on the right road, don't you think? How'd you like his original self appearing on the astral plain?**

 **Also, can we just take a moment to appreciate the fact that I managed to update two stories in one night? That's like a record for me. XD**

 **Please review.**


	18. Chapter Seventeen: Nee

**Chapter Seventeen: Nee**

Every single nerve ending in my body is on fire. My stomach feels like it's ripping itself in half - I'm absolutely certain that my internal organs are going to hit the floor any second now. Beads of sweat drip down my face and make my eyes sting.

"Only a few more steps."

"Come on, Nee, you can do it!"

After an eternity of pain, I make it the last couple of steps to the couch and collapse into the soft cushions, panting. Leo rolls me over and slides a pillow up under my neck, then presses a glass of cold water to my lips.

"Drink," he says, quietly but firmly. "You need it."

"Thanks," I whisper when I'm done. My cheeks heat up and I glance at the floor. It's been two weeks since I tore my stitches open again, and in those two weeks Leo has done more to take care of me than anyone else here. It confuses me - especially since he used to be so against me to begin with.

Donnie gently pushes his brother aside to get a closer look at my stomach. His fingers barely brush my skin as he lifts my shirt hem, but I shiver nonetheless. After a few tense seconds, he smiles and looks up at me. "No popped stitches."

I manage a weak smile in return, internally cheering just the tiniest bit. He'd promised me that if I could walk to the sofa on my own with none of my stitches getting torn in the process, I could stay out in the main area. I was sick of being in the lab all the time; there were too many bad memories tied up in that space. I told myself that no matter what, I was getting out.

And here I am - sweating, exhausted, and in no small amount of pain, but I made it. I did it all myself.

Maybe I'm stronger than I thought I was.

 _Maybe..._ _maybe if you and I stick together then we can start to heal. Maybe the pieces will start to fit together again. I don't know if or when that will happen, but wouldn't you like to stick around and find out?_

His voice echoes through my mind and leaves me shocked and reeling. My hand tightens against my injured stomach; tears sting the backs of my eyes and I struggle to blink them away.

None of the guys seem to notice my distress. Raph is already busy flipping through a magazine on the couch beside me, and Donnie and Leo are standing a few feet away, whispering with fierce expressions. They fall silent and their eyes lock. After a long, tense moment, Leo drops his gaze and looks away.

Before I can ask Raphael what just happened, I catch sight of movement by the turnstiles. My breath catches in my throat and my blood freezes in my veins.

It's Mikey. And more than that, his gear - the awful red and black that symbolized so much darkness and evil - is gone. He's wearing grey sweatpants, a pair of flipflops, and a leather band around each wrist. There is no mask on his face.

My expression draws the attention of the others and they glance over at the turnstiles as well. All three of them go dead silent, their eyes widening like saucers.

Mikey takes a step forward, crossing his arms and fixing his brothers with a piercing ice-blue stare. "We need to talk."

 **A/N: AAAAAAAAAAND WE'RE BACK!**

 **No but for real though, I've had the first part of this chapter sitting in my docs for quite a few months. Oops. (And yeah, I know it's not the longest chapter ever, but I'm trying to get back into writing again. Life's a pain in my shell sometimes.)**

 _On another note, does anyone have any idea as to what happened between Don and Leo? Please hazard a guess - I love it when you do that. (If you don't want to, don't worry - it'll be revealed soon.)_

 **How's the shock value in this update? Good? Are my cliffhangers still holding up true to form? ;)**

 _(Also, bonus note + celebration: THIS BOOK AND SEVERAL OF MY OTHER BOOKS WERE NOMINATED FOR READERS' CHOICE AWARDS! I am so, so excited and freaking honored - I know it's not a guarantee or anything but still, the email made me so happy! :D)_

 **Anyway...that was it. Could you guys leave me a review? Please? Maybe?**

 **~Queen**


	19. Ending Note (Regarding book 3!)

**Ending Note**

Yes, you read that title correctly. We've reached the end of another book in the "Forgive Me" series. But don't worry - there will be a third story coming out soon. I've already got the first chapter written.

The new book will be called "Remember Me," so be on the lookout for that. I've just got to make a cover page and a description. I already know where I'm going to end that book - and yes, that will be the final part of the series. This will be a trilogy; I think that three books with Mikey and Nee is enough, don't you? (Maybe you don't - maybe eventually I'll try and write some short stories about it.)

So yeah, Mikey and Nee's story will continue in "Remember Me." Nee's character arc isn't done quite yet. ;)

Thank you guys for another successful, _finished_ book (haha). Honestly though, I really appreciate all of the support and reviews that you give me. I wouldn't have gotten this far if not for you.

I hope to see you in the third and final book, as well as in the pages of my other stories.

As always, guys, stay awesome.

~Queen


	20. New Book is Up!

**Final Book is Up!**

Hey guys! The first chapter of "Remember Me" is posted! Go check it out!

Summary _:_

 _The brain worm's grip on Mikey's mind is slowly weakening but that triumph only brings more pain for the youngest. Mikey is plagued with nightmares that never seem to go away, and worst of all, he still has no idea who he really is. Through it all, Shredder is determined to hold on to his favorite weapon - even if it means destroying him in the process._


End file.
